Yesterday I actually wrote a blog and I even posted it, but I thought about it and I may have said something mean or miscommunicated. I don't want that. I really don't. So, here we go. New day, new two days really since I didn't post yesterday's blog. I didn't eat much at all yesterday I was so upset about an email sent to me by a would-be could-be friend -- those hopes are gone. I'm just gonna move forward. I didn't eat anything yesterday until after 1 p.m. and it was after 3:30 p.m. today before I ate anything. I'm not sure if it was stress from the email, it probably was. It could have been that I just felt that eating would be trapping something in my body when I knew I wouldn't be working out that much. (Rain)
Today I started the day off in prayer and I worked really hard to go through every correspondence and exchange I have ever had with the man that was so upset with me. It upsets me when someone is upset with me. I drew down hard on myself and I searched the social media posts, I searched our emails. I went into the archives. I even found correspondences I've had with mutual friends of ours, and those who are just really his friends. I searched but I didn't find anything remotely as toxic or damaging as he was letting on that I had been - - so after 2:50 a.m. this morning, I was able to rest knowing I did all I could to assure both me and Jesus that I hadn't been the boo-bear he thought I was. "Me thinks he protested too much" is really all I can say. I walk away. It's the best exercise available for the soul.
Today the weather is better so I'll get out there and walk 10,000 steps. I have about 3500 started and I'll finish that up and be on track. I wanted to box and kick and go crazy in light of my heart being so hurt but I didn't do that either. I had a friend over and we whined about men being such babies. That was so very therapeutic, let me tell you! Grab a friend and just let it out!! Works wonders.
So for the food yesterday maybe 800 calories and it was a tuna sandwich, cheese, grapes, and trail mix for the most part. I had a chicken salad last night. I didn't eat it all.
Today: Breakfast - didn't eat it. Lunch - didn't eat it. Snack: didn't eat it. I had a trail mix scoop I guess at 3:30 and now at 6:00 p.m. I have 2 chicken strips and rice with teriyaki and I've not finished it. I don't know if I will. I like the grapes though. I could do just grapes for a day or so and be able to sustain from all the adrenaline in me. He just really rocked my spirit!! I really thought I had been mean, but turns out he's just a drama queen and needed to vent on someone so he choose me I guess. My good friend who is a professional therapist said that (after he read the letter) that the man is literally transferring all of his anger from his failed marriage onto me and since he knows I will pray for him he feels safe to do that. Wow...hate that I'm the punching bag, but it made sense.
WALK WALK WALK and drink that water.That's all I can say, and maybe tomorrow will be a pretty and bright day to start the whole thing over.
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